Agape

Love.

There is only one word for love in the English language.  Such a profound, mysterious, powerful & incomprehensible concept—yet there is only one word.  One plain- overused word-often so loosely defined or heavily distorted.  Love in itself is such a complex, puzzling concept that I believe has baffled mankind since the beginning.  There is a divinity about it—a magnanimity to it—that makes it incomprehensible , difficult to grasp and confusing at times.  In pop culture, love has been defined at “magical,” “indescribable,” even “painful.”…. We as humans really do not seem to have the real answer as to what love is or what it does.  We are taught from a very young age what love is… Snow White.. Cinderella.. you name it!  No wonder when we grow-up and enter the “real-word” (whatever that is).. we are confused about love—and all its distortions (or what we make into distortions).

Thankfully God (and the Greeks) were smart enough to note that there are far more forms of love—that love is so much more than just a word or a feeling—and even more so—the definition of TRUE LOVE.  Unlike us, the Greeks had 4 words for love; according to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love) this is what they are:

1. Éros (ἔρως érōs^[2]) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.
2. Philia (φιλία philía^[3]) means friendship or brotherly love in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.
3. Storge (στοργή storgē^[4]) means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in "loving" the tyrant.
4. Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē^[1]) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard.

The Bible, especially the New Testament uses mainly uses “Agape” to refer to love. It is key to note that it is a "SACRIFICIAL" Love.-- it comes at a cost of one's self and selfishness. 


AGAPE explains how/why love is so incomprehensible to us is--- it is in fact “supernatural.”  It is divine—created by God and beyond us.  We have a hard time loving unconditionally in the Agape way or understanding it, because it is so Godly—so Holy.  Everything that because of sin we fall short of being. 

While pondering why love baffles my mind at times..  I question why I have such a hard time believing or understanding that God loves me or what His love really is or how it fits into my life.  Moreover, I have a hard time loving others the way Christ calls us to love—so perfectly—so unselfishly.  Although there are many ways that we could discuss love, I am going to refer to it in a more relational manner right now. 

Our culture tells us that romantic or relational love is “risky”.. that it comes with a price—the chance of getting your “heart broken.”  We are often challenged to “follow our hearts” and take the jump—but it may leave us lonely and a wreck.  I challenge most of that view (I will explain later how it is partially right)! Perfect & true love comes from God--  God is love.  Love is God.  The two cannot be separated.

“ God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  ¹⁹ We love because he first loved us.”  1 John 4:16-19

It is perfect and flawless:

·         Corinthians 13:4-8

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

ot this off the web, but I think it makes a lot of good references:

A. Love is not defined by the act, but by the character of God within the act
B. Love precludes hypocrisy and play-acting.
C. Love is unselfish; not based on self-need or want.
D. Love is not conditioned on reciprocity or calculation of repayment.
E. Love doesn't care who gets the credit.
F. Love is active; not merely passive or theoretical; love doesn't loiter.
G. Love believes, trusts and expects God to overcome all things.
H. Love is directed toward people; not things, ideas, doctrines, principles...
I. Love of neighbor desires them to have everything you have, and more.
J. Love precludes resentment, covetousness, and judging another.
K. Love seeks to commend, not condemn.
L. Love is not conditioned on the lovability or action of the recipient.
M. Love is not fickle; it is unchanging and limitless
N. Love precludes despair at the loss or absence of the person loved
O. Love precludes favoritism and aversion.
P. Love does not engage in comparison.
Q. Love is not possessive, seeking to own or control another person.
R. Love does not find its identity or life in the one loved.
S. Love is the antidote to fear and paranoia - I Jn. 4:18
T. Love seeks the highest good of the other, with no thought of benefit to oneself.
U. Love involves self-denial, self-renunciation, personal sacrifice, humility
V. Love is willing to suffer slights, hurts, abuse.
W. Love builds others up, nurtures, edifies; it is constructive, not destructive
X. Love seeks to avoid grieving or offending another - Rom. 13:10; 14:15
Y. Love of one's enemy removes his relation of power - Matt. 5:40
Z. Love precludes partiality, preference, distinction, exclusivism; it is universal and equal
AA. Love does not take the situation into one's hand to resolve the problem.
BB. Love does not preclude confrontation, opposition and discipline - Heb. 12:6; it is not always capitulatory or soft ("tough love"); cf. Matt. 10:34; Lk. 12:49
CC. Love cannot be coerced or obliged by law or moral principle and program.
DD. Love is not retaliatory (Rom. 12:17); it turns the other cheek (Matt. 5:39)
EE. Love does not dictate performance standards or expectations to others
FF. Love prompts one to take the initiative to be the first to act - (Matt. 7:12)
GG. Love dissolves the emotional blocks which keep us from sensitivity to others
HH. Love does not demand its personal rights
II. Love excludes suspicion and mistrust
JJ. Love allows one to be free to be man as God intended man to be.

Since I have been 15 years old I have been off-and-on in a very difficult, long distance relationship with a now man I consider to be my best friend.  When I was still in high school, he joined the Marines and has been stationed in California and overseas at times ever since.  In the past 4 years I have NEVER spent more than 10 consecutive days with him at a time nor have I seen him more than 5 times in the past year.  I love him more than the day I first did over 6 years ago.  I have tried to stop loving him but continue to fail doing so.  I have asked myself and God over and over again.. why him?  Why the heartache? Why the struggle? Why the pain?
   Following my heart has often lead to more confusion and at times, sin in our relationship.  My emotions often get mixed & tangled with what I think or know or what I should do or what others think/say.  But I think I had it all so wrong.  In fear of losing him—to be quite frank—in fear of truly losing him in Iraq or at war… I selfishly held onto my pride and tried to stop loving him.  I loved out of emotion and not out of faith.
Back to how our culture is partially right---it tells us that love comes at a risk—or cost--- I think that may be right – but not how one would think—
Godly Agape LOVE comes at the cost of giving up one’s Pride-- oneself.  It is SACRIFICIAL.  God’s love for us cost Him His one and only Son— He knows the sacrifice that true love brings—and does not demand that we repay Him—His grace and mercy overflow and His love bears with us even though it was our sins that nailed Him to the Cross.  Love does come at a cost—the cost of self—and God knows that cost.

True/Agape love leads us to being vulnerable and weakened—honest and true.  Self-sacrificing and giving—and even fearless.  That is sooo incredibly difficult for me.  I look at my selfishness & my pride.  My wanting to “protect” myself from being heartbroken.. from the deployments.  From facing the reality that I could actually lose him from this earth...  At times I took my resentment out on him—(oh how I am sorry for that)
BUT what I think what the Lord is trying to teach me right now is how to LOVE by faith—not by heart.  That by walking with the Lord and fully trusting in Him, a true, pure and steady love blossoms.  One that by trusting more in Christ—causes the love to grow.  By constantly surrendering my “feelings” to the Lord & my selfishness & pride-- it comes at a sacrifice-- a risk--  to myself— But God is calling me to care more about others—more about Nick.  There is a peace with in it. 

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I apologize if my words aren’t exactly clear—the magnanimity of God’s love and the love that He gives is so hard to comprehend.  So vast & so perfect—so against our “nature.”  I truly believe that can love in perfect in Love—in God’s love and that the challenge is to love others—no matter in what relation—by faith--- NOT by works or circumstance—by emotion or desire—not by logic or discord—by FAITH in an act of worship—in a way that brings God soo much glory. 

God is love (1 John 4).  Love is God.  Everything good comes from Him. (James 1:17)

New International Version  “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” My final point is that I haven’t in the past loved by faith.  I loved by the world- not by the Lord.  Loving by faith puts aside pain from the past—hurt from what I feel was “being left behind.” It is all forgiving and giving. It puts away my pride & takes a risk—it pays a price.  Not the risk of being heart-broken- by the risk or sacrifice of oneself—selfishness--- Loving others means putting thoughts of above first and putting aside what I want.  Of course I want Nick to be here.  I want him now—to myself.  To spend time with me & to love me—but that’s not AGAPE—that’s not love by faith.  That’s hedonistic and selfishness.  I truly believe that I cannot change the fact that I love Nick right now but I can change how i love him—I can love Him by faith as long as the Lord calls me to do so & walk by faith allowing God to use that love to best bring Him glory.  Right now, I really don’t know how that is—I do not know God’s plan for my life, but I will LOVE BY FAITH & forgive—confess my selfishness & pray to be forgiven.  God really does work through all things for the best. (Romans 8:26-29) “ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son,”   Are you loving by Faith? 1 Corinthians 13  1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing. *** Note: I do not mean that I sacrifice myself for him-- as Nick is not my husband-- I only mean I am learning to love less selfishly-- more purely-- more Christ-like and that God is teaching me that I can turn to the needs of others first-- and to be less demanding of what I think I deserve or want-- and to also expect less and give more... That Agape is not easy but can be through faith*** :) Thanks!