HELP!!!! S.O.S!! I AM LOST!!!!!

Ever feel so far off? So lost?  Like you wake-up one day and wonder how things got this far.. how you let things get so out of control. ... or where did the time go?  and where in the world is God? 

I have been feeling so so sooo far from the Lord the past few weeks.  Each week since the beginning of the semester I have found myself falling further & further away----
business of my daily routine has clouded my days... the more I put on my plate the less God filled me day.  I felt myself slipping-- less daily time with the Lord-- "oh I will read my Bible tomorrow"-- God understands.... next thing I know it's 3 weeks later and I am crying 3 out 7 days in the week.  I feel so overwhelmed with school, responsibilities, work, marathon training, friends, family, church, crusade.... EVERYTHING.  all of it feels like it's crashing down on me. I feel like my chest had a ton of bricks on top and I feel like I can't breathe... panic attackish?? I think yes.

Feelings of guilt and shame and pain that I don't understand are overwhelming me.  I hurt so deeply and I don't know why.  I feel so alone.  Like my life is out of control.  Where is God!?!??!!??! Why did He leave me?


and then I see the light.  I left Him. 

"I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

 By minimizing Him more day by day-- the Cross seemed smaller and "little" idols like school work or even leading a Bible study or pleasing my friends take over my heart.  and I feel so unfullfilled-- so empty.
well duh.  when we aren't turning to the giver of life we have no life.
I spent the entire last night & morning crying.  I confess that I have been very overwhelmed and lost the past few weeks.  I don't know where I am right now, but I am crying out.  After listening to Pastor Bob Turner's sermon this morning http://www.portagechurch.org/?cat=35 (The Disciple that Obeys)... I realized that I have been building my "house" or life on sand these last few weeks and now when small storms or trials are coming into my life... everything is falling apart...
then I sit there in self-pity.. and wallow-- okay WAKE-UP KATHERINE!!
I am going to get lost -- I am going to stumble-- I'm human-- I'm a wreck 99.9% of the time-- I am never going to be perfect, but Christ is.  I am convicted that when I cry out He hears me.  It is o.k.  I feel the Lord near me now & my heart is calm.  His love & grace are so amazing! 
According to Job 23:10 "But he knows the way I take"... Beth Moore makes a good point that because Christ knows when we wonder off the path-- He knows where we are AND how we got there.  He is faithful and He will come to us.  I love her quote:

"Stand still and cry out, and bid Him to come to you! He will lead you on from there... Never will He hold your hand more tightly than when He is leading you through the dark."

In the past 12 hours God has already come to me.  He has begin to show me why I feel so lost.. I stopped having quiet times and going to Him first. I am holding onto idols in my everyday life.  I have been building my days on sand and not on the ROCK which is His word.  I feel guilt and shame because I haven't been giving Him my whole heart and soul and because I have been walking away from the God who loves me oh so much.  Often I beat myself up over this--but that's not what the Lord wants for me.  All He asks is that I turn in His direction and back into His arms.  That starts with one step at a time.  Today I see how important it is to spend time with Him everyday. When we wonder away-- we hurt ourselves and miss out on all the benefits that the Lord sows. To build my days starting with Him, ending with Him, and filled with Him.  and for me that is not church activities or "Christian" time.. it means real intamacy with Him-- daily obediance.  Oh how He loves me.  I'm so glad that I have been found.  Lord, Lord-- I desire to truly know you! 

What are YOU building your house upon today?

Matthew 7:21-27

True and False Disciples
    ²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

The Wise and Foolish Builders

    ²⁴ “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”